Sedative highs

Around 10:15 today, at work, I realised that I was listening to music through my headphones so loud that it could probably make permanent damage to my ears. I looked down and saw that my white slim fit long sleeve t-shirt (underneath a washed out Black Sabbath t-shirt) had staines of coffee on it. God know’s how many days it had been there without me noticing. I’m not sure I even care. The right man in the wrong place so to speak. I shook my head and left.

Some days I just have no idea where life is taking me. I ride the train to work if I have to. Most days I walk. I work at my own pace though and if I’m not up for it then I don’t work. I come home and eat chinese or thai food. I watch a movie and write a song. I go to bed too early or too late.

Days go by like scenes in movies. It’s almost a sedative. Like standing on a sidewalk watching traffic. Or living with a straight jacket. Like watching the evolution of things from a distance: The bang, dinosaurs, man, christ, industry, nazism, new wave of british heavy metal, me and then this blog. The complexity of it all makes me wonder how the wheel can keep on rolling. But it does roll and even though I have no idea what part I play in the whole shebang it feels real enough and I like that it does. Knock on wood. It is real.

I feel like Nikki from Operation: Mindcrime. (If you don’t know what that is then I can’t help you.) I’m on a constant sedative high and everything is kind of in slow motion.

Straight jacket memories, sedative highs, No happy ending like they’ve always promised
There’s got to be something left for me, And I raise my head and stare Into the Eyes of a Stranger