That was no joke!

I totally had it coming. After seeing Land of the Dead I was saying that it didn’t freak me out and that I was longing for movies that affect me more and deeper and y’know. I guess I got what I asked for this time.

Funny Games (1997)

Director: Michael Hanneke / Starring: Susanne Lothar, Ulrich Mühe, Arno Frisch

I spent last night watching movies with some guys here and Dave (film critic, film lover, funny guy, good friend) suggested we’d see a german movie called Funny Games.

Man! That was something else. It was very good and so real (and unreal too for that matter!) that I almost swallowed my knees and barfed them out through my ears. I can’t remember feeling this emotional about a movie since “Requiem for a Dream”. We had a great talk about the movie afterwards and it really added a lot to the experience. I’d had a rough week and my stressful mood reacted very strongly with the agony of some of the people in the movie. I was truly horrified at times, but after all – isn’t that what a good horror movie should do? It made me think and I often feel refreshed after seeing a scary piece. I’m glad we saw it! Movies are great!

13 miles is 21 km

The last time I went running (three days ago) I took Lincoln Ave, from Belmont Ave, out to the lake and I wondered if maybe I should continue out to Navy Pier. It was cold and just about to rain. I made the decision not to go there and I would later regret it since it didn’t seem that much longer.
Yesterday I left work 30 mins early since I wanted to run again but had to be back before 18.00. When I got out to the lake I still hadn’t decided but all of a sudden I found myself running “south” and not “home”. When you think in miles everything seems shorter. I didn’t think it’d feel that much longer. 21 km might not seem like a killer distance to you – and in all honesty it wasn’t really to me either, I didn’t crawl or anything – but I don’t think I ever ran that far before and my knees are surely letting me know today. Yikes!

The Bomber…

We each take turns at Belly Acres (the t-shirt factory) to play music. We’re about six to eight people here which leaves about an hour for each person to play whatever they want to listen. Today I’ve had a headache, it’s raining, I’m tired and a bit bored. Not all people understand how putting on Motörhead’s “Bastards” could be the cure to all that. However, there is one man that I left behind back home that knows all about this healing power.

Some might argue, but I think maybe I am the person who knows the man above the best. At least when it comes to certain things in life. Let me explain. I was there at nights when we would spend eight hours straight in our rehearsing room playing Black Sabbath. I was down the by the river fishing and listening to Iron Maiden when the fish hook tore into my flesh and he had to tear it out. I too stayed up until two in the morning watching Headbanger’s Ball on MTV. We went hunting heavy metal cassette tapes in Poland and cheap metal t-shirts that would vapourize after one washing.

And trust you me, I was there when me and my brother stood out on the plains some ten years ago watching the Motörhead show start at the Sweden Rock Festival. We had seen another band a couple of minutes before that so we still had about 500 feet to go to get to the stage where Motörhead played. I remember the very words he said, “Man! It’s like a helicopter take off!”. I can’t think of a better way to explain it. As I remember it they started with “Ironfist” and the hammering of drums and blitzkrieg stroboscope together with the pure madness of Lemmy’s singing and the crowd going wild was probably nothing short of the impact a group of ACH-47A armored Chinook helicopters would have crashing into a Viet Cong camp during an asian thunderstorm.

My brother would later earn the nickname The Bomber from the Motörhead-song with the same name (few things would describe him as good as that song). But maybe that show was when it all started. Maybe it started even earlier. And like Dave Mustaine of Megadeth said: “It was back in the day. And if you weren’t there, it doesn’t matter anyway, because you wouldn’t understand!”.

“Firestorm coming closer, Napalm to the bone!
Because, you know we do it right, A mission every night!
It’s a Bomber! It’s a Bomber!”

To me it describes a way of life and an attitude towards it all. If you’re having a hard time you can either wimp out and sink down into it… or you can crank up Motörhead, assume an attitude and simply let the world know that you’re gonna “Bite the Bullet”.

You are dearly missed brother.

Brave New World: The semi-epic thoughts of one despairing young swede, lost in a world turning into ashes and dust

(Wednesday, 10 AM)

I struggle a bit with dark thoughts on the future. Not just my personal future (even though that might be called for) but the future of the world (read: poordom, pollution, corruption, war etc). It’s not a phobia. It’s not even fear. Or well, maybe it is fear. On second thought, maybe it’s both. I picture a downward spiral and I can’t stop. Things fall apart. The world we live in is changing and not for the better. Everything is getting more rapid and the individual is lost in the middle of it all. Now, you may say that this is the way it has always been and maybe it is. But maybe it’s not.

This is very odd to me. I think I’m walking on the razors edge because on one hand I feel that it’s not worth investing anything in this world because it’s nasty and dangerous place, full of corruption and hate. On the other hand it’s a challenge to live in a changing world and with danger comes excitement. Still, my life joy is very much dampened at the moment because of the demise that I see all around me.

I used to be a collector. Mint condition? Yes, that was the ticket. Pile after pile of collectibles (CDs, comic books, movies etc). Now, I barely feel like spending anything on anything. Especially not when the black man on the street outside is doing a playback performance (wearing headphones!) to raise money so he can go get himself a dollar cheeseburger at McDonalds. It’s not that we always have to give up the things that make us happy. I just don’t feel like building a castle full of cool stuff in a world that is burning.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.”

Ok, it’s a bible verse (Matt 6:19) and even if you don’t care for those it kinda makes sense, doesn’t it? Sometimes I get scared when I buy something (a guitar? a car?). Scared that it will break or that it will get stolen. The only conclusion I can reach when thinking of this is that all the stuff we gather, in freedom, imprisons us. However, the time or money that you invest in someone else, or in spending time with someone else or even to go some place else – gives you a sense of freedom, doesn’t it?

(Wednesday, 10.30 PM)

I walked out of The Urban Tea Lounge this evening. I had been reading while having a cup of coffee. All of a sudden I heard a man screaming as I was passing by an open door. I got curious and had to look inside. It was a church gathering and I just decided to walk in and so I did. I sat myself down and looked around. The room was “black” as the ace of spades. I, on the other hand, was white as ice. Let’s just say I stood out. I am not poor but I hadn’t shaved in two weeks and I still had my working clothes on. Can’t really say how they perceived me but I was truly the odd man. Like, really.

The worship band consisted of a young man on keyboard and some other kid who sporadically would play the drums (tempo or accuracy had little or nothing to do with his playing). The pastor was on fire, shouting like a dog gone mad. I didn’t understand their African language, but I got it allright. I looked around and saw that everyone there knew that I came in from cold of the street and “the world outside”. The reason they all smiled back at me was to make sure that I felt welcomed. Or even loved. And I did.

Yes, the world is apparently turning into ashes and dust. Some rise above while others don’t. A few stop at nothing to pull another up and that is it.

Nothing else matters.

Wanderlust…

A week ago I got a hold of “Ghost Rider” by Neil Peart, the drummer of Rush. Neil lost his only daughter (car crash) and wife (cancer) in just twelve months. Two months after he buried his wife he took his motorbike and went out on the road – without any plans – and stayed there for a couple of years. “Ghost Rider” is his travel journal. Trust me, I love it here at Jesus People USA, but every single time I pick up the book I wanna leave so badly. Just take off and see where the road goes.

I have a plane ticket home to Sweden on the 11th of November and of course I intend to use it. There are some stuff that I have to do before the end of the year – and a billion people I want to meet. What happens next year I don’t really know.

I have a standing invitation to go and hang out with my good friend Art in Israel and I’m thinking of doing that. Chicago is pretty cold already and I don’t think sweden will be much better so I might as well go there.

“I got a lust for wandering, lost in no man’s land. I got wanderlust”
(Megadeth, Wanderlust)

Gary, Indiana

“Do you like exploring abandoned buildings, Andy?”

Not that I had ever done it but I guess I would like it if I ever got the opportunity to try so I looked up and answered –Yes! “Ok, we’re leaving at dusk” Lopez said.

There’s this town in Indiana called Gary. For some reason the better part of the town left it some 30 years ago. I have no idea how many people that live there now but a wild guess would be 5.000 people in a 15.000 people town. Hence, there’s a large number of buildings that’s been empty since “disco”.

The first building we went into was an old post office. The first floor was just one big mess and didn’t look interesting at all. All of a sudden I found a ladder that didn’t seem to go anywhere. I went up anyways and saw a small hallway. The rest followed and all of a sudden we found ourselves in these strange hallways without windows with small mailboxes and dust that still makes me cough – a week later.

The next stop was some strange building that used to be part of a school. 30 years on it still held a lot of letter and school records and God knows what. It was strange. After that we ended up in an old theatre. Man! The sign on the outside said – Jackson Five. That was probably the last show they ever put on. Make sure they wont ever play in your city or it’ll turn into a Ghost Town too!

A couple of days ago I finally met up with the Milwaukee Maniac. We went to the soccer game between the Chicago Fire and the New Jersey Metrostars.

This was indeed a great day but it almost ended up as a complete disaster. I was waiting for Phil for 30 minutes outside the ticket booth (grrrr!) and I really needed to go to the bathroom (nr 2) and God reached down three times and spared me. The third time I was about to run for the bushes but I managed not to. If you ever have me waiting again Phil I will make you listen to Ricky Martin for 10 hours straight.

Drug dealers get arrested outside of my home… We also have squirrels…

My roommate Chris (punk-rawker with more holes than textile in his jeans) fell out of sleep to the sound of the alarm from his watch. I did to but I didn’t have to do much until an hour later. He went to the shower and I didn’t go anywhere. Suddenly people start screaming somewhere on the outside.

“Get your &#€”&@? hands off me, cop!” says the drug dealer.

“Wiioooooo, wiioooooo, wiiooooooo!” the cop car siren sounds.

“Get down!” yells the cop.

I jumped out of bed (2 m above ground) and got my camera. Chris came back from the shower as I started explaining: “Cops… drugs… outside… hurry!”. So the two of us got outside on the balcony – sneaking – and I was able to take some pictures. It was like, you know… undercover stuff. Because we didn’t want the cops to see us.

At the moment I’m doing the night shift at the front desk at JPUSA (Jesus People USA). This basically means that I answer the phone and transfer people. Some of them know the extension number and some don’t. Some don’t even know who they’re looking for. The job also includes handing out snacks and food to the poor and the homeless who happen to stumble into the lobby. Unfortunately no donations came in today so I sit here without

anything to give them. There’s a black man in a superman t-shirt wandering around the lobby asking for “two grabs of water and sugar”. Doing the night phones is the graveyard shift. Basically it means sitting at the desk between 8 in the evening and 8 in the morning. This is my second night. I have five ahead. In the middle of the night I get very tired and go crazy.

When the Chicago Cubs have home games we always give away hot dogs for people and I would guess today was gamenight because everyone comes in here for hot dogs. Unfortunately I don’t have any. Some of them come back and ask again.

We got a neighbour yesterday. I don’t remember his name but he told me this morning. He doesn’t bother us much (even though his jokes are quite boring) but we still might have to ask him to move on in the morning. He sleeps in the parking lot which isn’t a very safe place to sleep.

I went to the Robert Earl Keen show last thursday at the House of Blues. That was really something else. A great show and a cool place. I do hope I get to see Robert again cause it was splendid.

Apart from the roaches and mice that live in our room – one mouse fell down the waste basket last night and it sounded like he had the hardest time getting out of there – we also have squirrels. Not in the house but outside of it. One of the guys here at JPUSA (Charlie, he came about 2 weeks ago) claims he has a way with squirrels. I have yet to witness it but he says they come when he calls for them. I think we have a way with mice because they come when we leave dirty socks on the floor.

We went to see the White Sox two days ago. That was just great. We had sucky seats but kinda hung around after watching the practice and ended up at 3rd row.

The people next to us said that they had paid like 300 dollars for the tickets.

At the moment I’m siting in the coordinators office eating grapes that belong to this Aussie chick called Brianna. She’s been doing kitchen work today and got really stressed earlier and threw me out of the kitchen! I think she’s here at the moment to make up for it. Pretending to be interested and stuff.