Delivering the goods

We often joke and claim we suffer from the High Fidelity Syndrome. This is not a well known term, I know, so I’ll explain. It’s based on the character of Rob Gordon (from Nick Hornby’s book “High Fidelity”). One symptom of the syndrome is to grade people on the basis of their music taste. Furthermore, you make mix-tapes and mix-CDs to people as a challenge or compliment. I love doing this. However, it’s often just to make people happy. And I’m not a complete music nazi, am I?

Anyways, the step from giving a CD to a friend to giving one to a complete stranger is pretty darn big, isn’t it? Yesterday I gave a really good collection to a girl in a grocery store downtown, simply because she’s always happy and gets me in a good mood whenever I go shopping. So, thanx for that. I hope you like it. You’ve been my hero of late.

Stargazer…

I’m in Veddige at the moment. Mom and dad went to New York for a week and Sandor needs help with his papers so I figured now was a good time to go “home”. Add to that that the Winter Olympics just started – I don’t have a TV at the hostal. Well, there’s a TV but my 60 year old bosnian neighbour sits there all the time and his talking makes the watching experience a bit, uhm, rough.

Anyways, we didn’t get much done yesterday. Just sat around talking and Sandor raved a bit about hearing Opeth for the first time on swedish radio the other day while driving in his car. As soon as he got home he ordered an album. That’s kinda fun I think. Enough about that.

As I walked home yesterday I, by chance, looked up to the sky and I was almost in awe. I was like: “Man! This is incredible!” – and then I realised that when I was younger I used to be out watching the stars all the time. Somewhere down the line I lost that. Is that what happens to us? That we get blinders as we get older? I asked my friend Sandor about it and he said: “Yes, but you also lose them at a certain age”. He’s probably right. If not, the world is getting less and less fantastic.

Sedative highs

Around 10:15 today, at work, I realised that I was listening to music through my headphones so loud that it could probably make permanent damage to my ears. I looked down and saw that my white slim fit long sleeve t-shirt (underneath a washed out Black Sabbath t-shirt) had staines of coffee on it. God know’s how many days it had been there without me noticing. I’m not sure I even care. The right man in the wrong place so to speak. I shook my head and left.

Some days I just have no idea where life is taking me. I ride the train to work if I have to. Most days I walk. I work at my own pace though and if I’m not up for it then I don’t work. I come home and eat chinese or thai food. I watch a movie and write a song. I go to bed too early or too late.

Days go by like scenes in movies. It’s almost a sedative. Like standing on a sidewalk watching traffic. Or living with a straight jacket. Like watching the evolution of things from a distance: The bang, dinosaurs, man, christ, industry, nazism, new wave of british heavy metal, me and then this blog. The complexity of it all makes me wonder how the wheel can keep on rolling. But it does roll and even though I have no idea what part I play in the whole shebang it feels real enough and I like that it does. Knock on wood. It is real.

I feel like Nikki from Operation: Mindcrime. (If you don’t know what that is then I can’t help you.) I’m on a constant sedative high and everything is kind of in slow motion.

Straight jacket memories, sedative highs, No happy ending like they’ve always promised
There’s got to be something left for me, And I raise my head and stare Into the Eyes of a Stranger

These memories and more remain

“So where do we begin? And what else can we say?
When the lines are all drawn… What should we do today?
(Fates Warning)

Can I just say that life is strange at the moment? That would make it a whole lot easier. What am I talking about? Well, I’ll tell you. There’s a lot of different things on my mind. For one thing, I’m a bit distracted or even freaked out because two different people are having similar dreams about me. And they don’t even know each other – and they’re not even from the same countries. So you dream about me? Big deal! I don’t really need that. My question is: Who on earth will dream with me?!

I think I’m gonna go on a road trip in a week or two. Up north. Also an Israel trip is scheduled for March 2006 but other than that I can’t really say what the future holds. At first I was thinking I’d stay put in Sweden until the end of the summer but I’m not sure I’m gonna have a place to stay. If I won’t find a place I might as well tour the world again come summer.

Mail suggestions and invitations if you have ‘em. I gotta go to bed now and I’ll check the mail box in the morning.

I look at my life, each day, and the decisions I’ve made and for a couple of seconds I’m worried (I live in a freakin’ hostal, without any planning) but then the feelings switch and I feel proud when I think back on what’s happened. So much came along with the decision to break up and seek adventure. And I know I am not alone.

“I remember the nights. And i remember pain. Like the sound
of your voice, alone. These memories and more remain.”
(Fates Warning)

Sympathy for the Devil…

I watched Der Untergang yesterday. It tells the story of the last weeks of the most recognized madman of the 20th century. As the final hour draws close the Führer makes clear that compassion is not in the human nature.

Maybe he is right. Do you pity the fate of Mrs Goebles – shot by her husband – an hour after they killed their six children? Or Göring and Himmler who killed himselves? Given that every man and woman has the choice to do what is good or what is not, I think I do pity them. And if indeed Hitler alone can be to blame for WW2 then I pity him – and him more than others. WW2 spared all but 50.000.000 lives. I hope there is forgiveness from man and God for deeds such as his. I point my finger and judge, but I have sympathy for the devil. And compassion for the one without.

As Hitler draws his final breath – and russian artilery is grinding Berlin – the people of the administration surrender to insanity and throw a party. Germany surrendered the same day. Some hangover the day after I would imagine.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve – when we celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace… not the God of War.

Get a room!

This bad craziness just goes on and on. I was planning on going to the US right after the scheduled february Israel trip. Well, I sort of made a full turn on that and decided to stick on the west coast for a while. I wanna save up so I can do something, like really wicked, later on… or ergh, something. I dunno. I’m gonna go to the US eventually so don’t you yanks send me angry mails. Anyways, so I’m gonna be here but I can’t really crash at mom and dad’s place anymore so I set out to find a room. Man! Is it impossible?

Well, it’s not easy. But I think I found a solution. There’s a hostel that rents rooms to students and stuff. I called the manager and he said they have rooms to spare. That’s pretty cool – and it’s not very expensive. Well, I guess it’s not extremely cheap in the summertime but who the heck wants to go to Varberg now? No one! Except for me.

This can be fun. And odd. But cool! It’ll be like going back to the college dorm! Or close to it.

That’s it for now.

Screaming for Vengeance

Life is pretty strange and I can only laugh at the weirdnessl. Don’t do this! Don’t do that! Wanna go there! Ending up here! Planning that. All I wanted to do… the deal fell through. Expected nothing… and gained everything.

Strange things are happening at the moment – and in my own weird way I only enjoy it. It’s like falling of the horse on the merry-go-round, rollin’ and stumblin’ like a fool coz it’s still moving! Maybe I’m crazy but I set out to feel free some time ago and I guess this is what it’s like. A kick in the face and a pat on the shoulder. It’s a rush and a natural high!

I’m glad I made the decisions I made – and there be days when you just feel like giving in, when life is really kicking you in the face! And that could be the end of it but we never settle for that because we are screaming for vengeance! Just like the Judas Priest album from 1982. It never seizes to amaze me that when stuff is really wicked you just put on a good track and then you’re back on the road again!